The Unofficial Portland Munchies Tour

February 27, 2017

The Unofficial Portland Munchies Tour

Not too long ago, we offered some tips for making healthy choices when the munchies strike. But sometimes — usually on your cheat day — you just need to treat yo’self. There’s a method to the madness, however. You can’t just smoke a bowl, blindly mash your finger on a map, and head to wherever your pointer lands. (OK, actually you can do that because this is Portland, one of the best food cities in the world.) Let’s make things at least a little more challenging.

Step 1: Choose your favorite Chalice Farms strain. If you want to make sure you’re extra hungry, let this chart be your guide.

Step 2: Focus your efforts on how you want to titillate your tastebuds. Are you craving pizza? Jonesing to Thai one on? Or have you been itching to sample the latest and greatest charcuterie? You don’t want to find yourself wandering aimlessly around the Alder food cart pod only to end up double-fisting Nong’s Khao Man Gai and a grilled cheese sandwich (because gross).

Step 3: Stuff your face. Chew as slowly as possible in your current state. Savor every last morsel. Repeat until you can’t move.

For the wake and bake crew

Even if you’re not from Portland, you know that the city is famous for its brunch. “Portlandia” even dedicated a two-part season finale to the ongoing battle for who has the best mid-morning grub. Here are a few of our can’t-miss spots:

  • Salty’s on the Columbia (for all-you-can eat oysters and bottomless mimosas)
  • Lauretta Jean’s
  • East Burn (brunch cocktail flights are an added bonus)
  • Broder Nord (and Broder Clinton and Broder Söder)
  • Sweedeedee
  • Slappy Cakes (when you need to bring the kiddos along; plus: DIY pancakes)
  • Tasty n Sons or Tasty n Alder
  • Original Hotcake House (for killer chicken-fried steak)

When only meat will do

  • Foster Burger, Killer Burger, Slow Burger, Little Big Burger … and Free House’s burger
  • Miss Delta and Hour Glass Pub for chicken and waffles
  • Imperial, Dub’s St. John’s, Reel M Inn, and George’s Corner Tavern for fried chicken
  • Interurban (because the Cornish game hen belongs in a category of its own)
  • The People’s Pig, Smokehouse Tavern, or Podnah’s Pit for barbecue
  • Olympia Provisions and Cheese & Crack Snack Shop (because nothing says “munchies” like a charcuterie board)
  • the Ned Ludd feast

For the world traveller

  • Pok Pok or Whiskey Soda Lounge (for the legendary Vietnamese fish sauce wings)
  • Nong’s Khao Man Gai
  • Kim Jong Grillin’
  • Poke Mon and Ate-Oh-Ate (because if you haven’t jumped on the poke train yet, what’s wrong with you?)
  • Bollywood Theater
  • Cruzroom (The Mac tacos are a must)
  • Apizza Scholls, Handsome Pizza, Tastebud, Pizza Jerk (for the best pies in Portland)
  • Lechon (Latin American flair)
  • Boxer Ramen (get the tots)
  • Wolf and Bear’s
  • Mama Chow’s Kitchen (just block out the rest of your day to deal with garlic breath)

That’s a good start, we reckon. We’re drooling all over ourselves right now (and we haven’t even made it to dessert), so we’re about to take a tour of our own. No doubt we’ve missed your favorite go-to spots. Portland’s food scene is just that good.
We want to hear from you (mostly because we need more suggestions for ourselves). Connect with us on the social channel of your choice — namely Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook — and go to town. And before you hit the pavement to sample one or all of these incredible culinary paradises, be sure to stop by any of our locations to rev your munchies engine. Happy munching!

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